This article is an analogy of doing math related work and having sex, not math phrases and sentences interpreted as a sexual innuendo, even though there are massive amount of obvious sexual innuendos.
When ever I start getting excited about math and talks about them, there will be (a lot of) people using expressions like.
"Does that make you feel hot/hard/sexually aroused?"
I'm the kind of person who people considers as no life, and I live up to their expectations. I actually think about everything people say, think it so deep that I can write essays about it.
After a stream of thought about how people can connect math and sex, I conclude that doing math problems is a great analogue of having sex. In fact, it is not just an analogy to normal sex, it can be extended to all kind of sex and fetishes.

History:
Math is always related to sex in some way.
People have believe it was all started during the Shang Dynasty, where scholars uses their math textbooks as masturbation materials. It is a myth and lack of proof. The written language was Oracle bone script and Chinese bronze inscriptions, it's highly disputable they can find portable mathematics reading material. So if it's ever possible, they have to create a specialized masturbation room with a huge bronze structure with inscriptions. Only rich could afforded it, and the poor have to go to a public masturbation forum to fill their needs. The archaeological findings does not show evidence of such structures ever existed.
If there is(if ever) any case of mathematics induced masturbation in China, it has to be at least from Han Dynasty and forward, when The Nine Chapters on the Mathematical Art was first released on paper. I would say those materials are barely arousing in today's standard, and still doubt the chance one actually masturbates to a math textbook.
After the middle ages, white people start to rise as the world leader in mathematics.
It's said on Encyclopedia that mathematicians masturbates to Prime Number Shitting Bear. Later investigations found it is completely true for number theorists but never happens to analysts, since they like to explore on continuous curves while recite their fantasies include "I'm going to lie tangent to 's curves." An exception: Japanese mathematicians don't masturbates these days due to the ever smaller size of their reproductive organ that's not even possible to find unless there is a break through in elliptic curves. I personally believe that Yutaka Taniyama's death is associated with his conjecture on elliptic curves over arbitrary number fields seems too hard to prove. As he puts in his suicide note:

Merely may I say, I am in the frame of mind that I lost confidence in my future.

It can be traced even earlier to Fermat, where he tried to do it in the margin but failed. Later mathematicians tried to do it for over 300 years and still failed, so it was crowned the name "Fermat's Lust Theorem" until it was finally resolved in 1995 by some British dude called Andrew Wiles.
Newton has used Newton's method to secant curves and touch it all over until a certain point is reached.
Hairy ball theorem was proven in 1912, it states "you can't comb a hairy ball flat without creating a cowlick".

Geometers Loves this...

Recently, Peter Miller uses math to generate erotic images.[Maybe too graphic for work]. Suggesting human sex can be emulated by simple math algorithms.

In 2002, Dana Porrat with Y. Bilu, D. Porrat and Y. Yaffe wrote On The Number of Condoms at a Cheap Safe-Sex Orgy, a mathematical paper analyze the minimal number of condom required for a safe-sex orgy, but went unpublished, quote.

After writing this, we discovered that the result was long known, but it's a nice paper nonetheless...

Obviously, most math student figured it out in their spare time when they try not to get STD(Solution Transmitted Disease) from doing too many popular problems. But still, it's an great advance because knowledge like this get brought to public.

Hot... it's even in slow motion... mmmmm...

In 2004, there was a book by Clio Cresswell--Mathematics and Sex, which maps sex into game theory.

In 2006, Matthew Killeya reviewed the book Dr Euler's Fabulous Formula: Cures many mathematical ills, where sentence fragment below appeared.

Pills?

... have alluded to the "erotic connection between mathematical insight and sexual orgasm"...

The most recent example would be from xkcd.

Hidden Text: Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős!

It's not known when exactly math get connected with sex, but we can see a lot of interesting similarities of math and sex. Here is a list compiled by an someone, whose name can't be found.

Top Ten Things That Math and Sex Have in Common
10. Explicit discussions of either topic is a faux pas at most cocktail parties.
9. Historically, men have been in control, but there are now efforts to get women more involved.
8. There are many joint results.
7. Both are prominent on college campuses, and are usually practiced indoors.
6. Most people wish they knew more about both subjects.
5. Both involve long and hard problems, and can produce interesting topology and geometry.
4. Both merit undivided attention, but mathematicians are prone to think about one while doing the other.
3. Saint Augustine was hostile to both, and Alan Turing took an unusual approach to both.
2. Both typically begin with a lot of hard work and end with a great but brief reward.
1. Professionals are generally viewed with suspicion, and most do not earn high pay.

Real analysts everywhere gets aroused by this graph, it once on the cover of PlayMathematicians Monthly^{[citation needed]}

To me, I only done 5 math works:
1. Do math problems
2. Read math books
3. Research
4. ????
5. Profit!
and I'm amazed how many analogies I can make between this and sex, it reveals a possibility math could be the generalized version of sex.

Right, somebody have published a book about this topic.

Do math problems
Doing a math problem produces a process of thinking. Involves finding all kind of information and technique one knows, and lead up to the final solution. Or, fails during the process, but let one understand more about themselves.
In this case, a math problem can be thought as a person. At the start, planning the techniques to solve the problem shows a serious foreplay. It start to take the clothes off the problems until it's all naked and can be easily solved. A in depth search of all techniques available to approach the problem can translate to a comprehensive caress of the entire body, or even a oily massage.
After the massage, the main course starts, a mathematician have to apply what he thought he can do, and make the best out of it. This tests his endurance, intelligence and field experience.
Successfully complete a problem, one often have a ejaculation of joy and intelligence. The build up from the past phase have finally released the orgasm. Because one knows that he did more than just conquer the problem, he also conquered himself, and all the related problem there is to come.
After find the solution, a mathematician usually have a small rest of joy, and then rethink what had happened, should it happen, are there more elegant way(positions) to do the problem, can one conceive from this and pregnant with new ideas, can one father, nurture the ideas until it's full grown and release it to the world and bring about other mathematicians to do them?

Read math
There are two kinds of math books, like sex books.
One for recreational purpose, and one for educational purpose.
The latter one include all those math textbooks and some in depth teachings. Indian mathematician Jagadguru Swami Sri Bharati Krishna Tirthaji Maharaja created a interesting one, Vedic math, the Kama Sutra of mathematics. Those books teaches techniques and offer case studies in real life. It prepares people when they meet the problem they love.
Concrete mathematics did a great job on how to do it discretely, instead of continuously like Newton.
There are even books like The art of computer programming featuring ways to use foreign objects(the computer) to do it automatically. Some supercomputers are developed just for this objective, and it can do over 1 PFLOPS(peta-FLoating point Operations Per Second) that normally creates a time portal for the current CPU to do it in the future!
There are books teach how to have quickies with simple pure calculation class problems. Some believe books like that is recreational mathematics.
Recreational math books is same as pornography. It contain texts and many plots, graphs of the very erotic side of math and related things. It have covered people with all kind of fetish, like LaTex, Simple geometric constructs(Loli?), a autobiographical experience of a mathematician and famous problem he had done(POV?), about one have external difficulties against one's math life(Bondage?), popular math books with pictures and a boring plot with lots of squeezing theorem application(Hentai?), popular math books where a problem is done with many different ways at the same time and fill up all the logical holes one can have(tenta... let's not go there...). There are books in other languages too, feeling like read a Chinese problems tonight? Real mathematicians(yeah, the real players) read them just to enjoy some new perspectives on the problem they done(probably last night, ohhh!!! Hi 5.) or gain some insights from other mathematicians life. Amateurs use them to see how other people did it, and try to feel what it would feel like if they did it themselves. Sounds dirty? It is.

Research
The researchers in mathematics are Lewis and Clark who constantly discovering new problems and be the first one to do them. Not much to say about that, they are ahead of everyone in finding problems in particular areas and struggle with them for days... even for life... Happy marriage...

?????
The rest uses extended metaphor to reduce simile and make points. Many analogies spread out randomly without structure.

You will see a hard problem, maybe even using up all your techniques still isn't enough to make it happy.

There are always people who are hard to please in bed.

Some problems get laid by almost everyone, we can refer them as slut problems, all of them are extremely easy. One of the most laid slut is 1+1, who has had sex with almost everyone, even minors. It's usually the first problem that introduced naive students into the world of problems. Some people even like to talk to their kids about their first experience with it, some even direct their children to do it, few even write books features it. Of course, the people who got raped by 1+1 despite all mathematics.

The standard education system helped many slut problems rape innocent students, a reform is recommended.

Goldbach's conjecture(GC) has to be one of the crown jewel of mathematical problems. It endured many sexual advances from famous mathematicians include Euler, but no success for over 250 years since it was discovered in the field of integers as a young cute problem. Interestingly these days cranks like it mature, and often claims they have deflowered the virgin, but later is shown they just lied for fame.

Like in the real world, some drunk guy in a bar would claim he have done w/e celebrity...

Mathematicians can work on many problems at once. When is the last time you had sex with 5 people at the same time? There are even contest of mathematics, where organizers find many very hot problems and give it to some of the most mathematically active contestants for a limited amount of time, and compete to see who successfully brings a "happy ending" to most problems in the shortest time or even, make the most problem happy with the most elegant techniques. It's impressive some scored perfectly.

The sexual analogy is rarely seen in the real world, where thousands of people get together to have sex is unheard of out side Japan1.
The above quote brings about the idea that a problem can superposition in a way that hundreds of people can do it simultaneously. Not possible in real life unless mathematics is in a higher dimension(the 4th or higher since it manipulates time) of having sex.

Doing mathematics is usually a collaborated event, sometimes range to thousands of people. Someone suggested a hot problem and the entire world get worked up, and help each other as a group, establish a bond like a gang, using their knowledge to contribute so they can finally share the joy of release their intellects...

Thousand of people can collaborate so everyone can have a share in the glory, doesn't it enrich normal sex that only allow n(n<10) to have glory to m(m<number of humans)? Math seems to be a generalized version of sex.

Mathematician do math everywhere at anytime.

People have sex everywhere.

You gotta teach those kids how to unlock the bra in "algebra", bra'!
--somersault

A mathematician can chose the field he likes most and work on those problems. Those include number theory, analysis, topology.

See, like in real life, mathematicians find partners he favors most. Some might prefer blue eyes(maybe it's number theory), some might prefer shorter hair.

Herman Melville wrote Möbius-Dick as a sequel to Moby-Dick after learned the fantastic Möbius strip.^{[citation needed]}

No comment.

Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation.
--Richard Feynman

Physically speaking, yes. Metaphysically and philosophically speaking, Math is way more sexy. People can control math, and can do it by themselves without huge amount of money spent on all kind of equipments.

In mathematicians world, after doing one problem in a family, one can lose interest in it's sibling, but it is true that mathematicians end up having sex with the problem's sister... and mom... and dad... and momdad... and other mathematicians watch in enjoyment.

It seems mathematics can have a more comprehensive moral topology compare to the normal sociality. There can be more than 2 parents. Parent to child relationship is still true, in graph theory representation, both are directed acyclic graph(if the mathematician is not considered as a parent), and the math one is more generalized as the sex one.
It supports the math = generalized sex conjure.
Prove/Disprove is not trivial, and itself is a immense problem. One suggests using computer to test all the sex ever and will be done in the world(it's a finite set) and see if it correspond to some element in the math world. But it requires to factor all complex composite sex intercourse into it's Gaussian prime components, which already proven as NP problem, no efficient method is known.

Anyway, this is just some of my thoughts, please discuss what you think and your experience with math.
I would also like to apologize to Yutaka Taniyama for making a disrespectful joke out of his suicide and the Japanese people by using stereotypical jokes.

Profit!
I hope you get some lulz... and plz no hate males. For the hate males, guess who she is. At the time of writing, she is almost 30, pictures don't reveal age doesn't. Adding a deeper meaning into mathematics because we have to integrate her curves...to find the area...or volume... anyways... hawt...

1. 1. People ask me how I know this. I knew it because I was in Japan once and it was on TV. Yes I did pay to watch it but that's not the point... Ok come on, it was EPIC!!!