Mgccl's Ivory Towerso tired

I know this person, let's call her JJ. When ever I feel confident about myself, I talk to her.

It's a habit. If I don't talk to her, I would go
"Hey, I'm on the top of the wooooooorld~ MUHAHAHAHAHAHA,.. I'm so getting into a good graduate school..."

Some of the talks I remember, goes basically like this. due to my lame memory, I can't recite things word by word.
M = Me

(Talking about a USAMTS problem... the USAMTS t-shirt I have features that problem... if you see me wearing something black with cubes in the back, then you know that's the problem)
M: I don't see how that's possible.
J: flip this way so the face on cube one that's facing forward is now facing down, and then rotate the side facing forward 180° = =, apparently u don't play the rubiks cube..
M: orz

M: OMG there is a IMO gold and IMO silver in Stony Brook.
J: I know a IMO gold live right next door / I had lunch with a putnam fellow/ blah blah with IMO/Putnam people
M: orz

M: I took the Putnam today.
J: me too, a dozen people there are IMO gold or Putnam fellow.
M: orz

M: I'm thinking of doing independent study on analysis next semester.
J: I'm in this analysis class where half of the people have been to IMO. It's hard to stay above average.
M: orz

M: I'm in BNL this summer, I assume you are doing something with the same scale of awesomeness in MIT.
J: I'm in the AI lab, coding, working with Marvin Minsky, the FATHER of AI.
M: orz

My confidence crumbles every time xD. It is a good thing...

I'm in a place where people think I'm pretty good. I become modeled into thinking "Hey, I'm pretty good." It's a scary thought if I'm actually not that good. JJ can always help me adjust to the view I'm suppose to have. Since I will be competing(unsuccessfully...) with people with skills even beyond JJ in the future for positions in the academia, I can't stop short and think "Hey, I'm pretty good."

Thank you for all your support JJ. Also thank you for believing me that I can transfer to MIT when I don't even believe it myself. I will try my best.